I Don't Care What Andy Says...

Old time Salvation Army uniforms are cool!

Check out the uniform which I made myself (by 'made myself', I mean borrowed a tunic, wore my own trousers and shoes, turned an old red t-shirt round and stuck a tambourine sticker on the front, but the initiative was all mine).

As promised, here's a couple of pictures from our old time London night:

Anna, with an off the shoulder number.

Danni went all out for her costume!

Stacey and Danni - it was a little bit embarrassing for Stacey when she arrived, because she'd forgotten it was supposed to be fancy dress.

And I don't think Oscar was quite prepared for how bright the camera flash was...

In other news:

1. No-one pick up that the word cromulent (in my previous post) is, in fact, not a word at all? I wanted to see whether I could get away with it, and I did.

2. To the right, I've added a video by the group All Angels. Now this is not really my thing usually, but they sang this song live at the Rememberance Service at the Royal Albert Hall and it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. This video is, however, pants. So, enjoy it, but don't watch it.

Brainstorm

The word 'Brainstorm' isn't really a good title for this post, but the other day someone told me we're not allowed to say it anymore, and that just made me want to use it all the more... I'm like a child.*

So, for this post - to be a little different - I thought I would just write down all the thoughts I had today. They are somewhat random, because that's what thoughts are like. Every time I had one, I wrote it down in my phone. And here they are:

Every song should have an alternative Amy Winehouse version.

How does Katie Melua keep a serious face when she sings those lyrics?

Why do so many people in London have paint on their trousers?

Is there a British film without Jim Broadbent in it?

While looking for Christian Christmas cards, it dawned on me that it's hard to find stylish ones. Then the lady standing next to me picked up some cards showing a dog wearing a tiara and I realised that maybe I'm just looking for the wrong thing.

(This wasn't the actual picture, but what a gem, eh?)

Lisa Harries and myself made a deal that we'd get married when we're 40 if neither of us is married by then. I wonder whether she's remembered that and how she's doing...

If all the raindrops WERE lemondrops and gumdrops, oh what a rain that WOULD be.

Someone at uni told me Ace of Base were rubbish. I still haven't gotten over that yet.

In the previous thought, I used the word 'gotten' and that is an Americanism which is becoming more and more common over here... It should be GOT!

When you give someone from Southend a drama script, why do they always become Cockneys? (cf. 'Ere, you seen'at Jesus fella?' for example... Always starting sentences with 'ere. Someone should research that phenomenon. I choose Andy).

Why do people insist on carrying their iPods in their hands while walking around London?

I can't take anyone seriously who rings the bell on their bike.

I really need to post the pictures from the London night... It was cool. I made my T-shirt myself. I ALMOST looked cromulent.

I saw a TV programme about a woman who said she was psychic. She said she once had a vision of a plane crash, and the very next day, a plane crashed off the coast of Hungary. 'That's impressive', I thought to myself. Even more impressive would be finding the coast of Hungary.

It doesn't matter who it is - a bodybuilder, a tough bouncer, a rock 'ard biker - as soon as someone takes homemade sandwiches out of their bag, they look vulnerable somehow.

Relating to my previous post:

As I was in Waterstones this week I saw a book entitled 'You Can Get Arrested for That' by Richard Smith (now there's a unique name). I have no idea what it's like, so I'm NOT recommending it, but it's about two guys who cross America trying to break stupid laws. Topical. The three mentioned on the back cover were:

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory (South Dakota)

It is illegal to play a trumpet with the intention of luring someone to a store (California)

and, my personal favourite:

It is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso (Tennessee).

Sweet.

*Apparently the PC term is 'thought shower', which I find completely stupid. However, that may have actually been more appropriate here...

Oops...

I think of myself as a pretty law-abiding kinda chap. But today I discovered that I have actually broken the law. And more than just once. In fact, I break the law fairly regularly. And I enjoy it.

And how?

I eat mince pies. And I eat them on Christmas Day.

I'm sure some of you will have known this, but did the rest of you have any idea that eating mince pies on Christmas Day is actually against the law? Thanks to Oliver Cromwell. that law was created in the 17th Century (now, you can't say you don't learn things from mitchenstein).

I love these old obscure laws. And have done ever since I learned that it's illegal to eat more than three sandwiches at a funeral in Norway (oops). Just what was going through people's minds when these laws were created?

1. It's illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

2. Placing a postage stamp upside down is an act of treason.

3. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour.

4. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself wherever she wants.

5. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (?!).

6. If a dead whale washes up on the coast, the head automatically belongs to the king, while the tail belongs to the queen.

While the above laws are definitely true, the following ones are rumoured to be true, but the BBC was unable to verify them:

7. In Florida, it is illegal for an unmarried woman to use a parachute on a Sunday.

8. In Florida, it is also illegal to get fish drunk.

9. In Switzerland, it is illegal to flush the chain after 10pm.

(10. I have also heard that it is illegal for men to stand up to use the toilet after 10pm in Switzerland - Anna, I take back anything I've ever said about Switzerland, these people are clearly on the ball).

11. It is legal to shoot a Scotsman within the city walls of York, as long as a bow and arrow are used (I've heard the same thing about a Welshman in Chester, but for that it has to be after sunset).

Furthermore:

12. In the UK, it is technically illegal to fly a kite.

13. And to use a sledge on snow.

14. And don't even think about gambling in the reading room of a library.

Does anyone know of any others?

In other news:

I'm a bit of a fan of Wikipedia - I know it's not the most reliable source on the internet, but it's still pretty useful at times. However, ever since I read that Stacey's mum in Eastenders sang backing vocals on Madonna's latest album, I'm just not sure what to believe anymore.

Ripped Off...

When I was ten years old, a group of us at school decided to make a band. We had it all planned out. We were going to hit the big time (apart from Stuart who used to sing behind the bookcase because he was too nervous to sing in front of people's faces).

One playtime, Joanna and I sat down to write our band's first song. It was called Never Again and it was actually very good (I wrote the verse and she wrote the chorus - my part was better). Later on, when Joanna wrote Don't Leave Me, I realised we were just heading in different directions musically.

Anyway, I digress. We used to have band practices every week (even with a keyboard) and the future looked bright for us. Until Gemma and I realised that the others were holding us back and we ditched them.

And that was it for us. The world missed out.

But why am I telling you this?

Today, I was sitting listening to Maroon 5's otherwise very good album, It Won't Be Soon Before Long.

As track 5, Nothing Lasts Forever, began to play, I realised that Maroon 5 had completely, unashamedly, ripped off Never Again. Now, who do I call about that?

For the Love of Puffins

"Who that ever had the privilege of knowing a puffin did not love him?"

Elizabeth Taylor, 1900s

Now, this quote (by an Elizabeth Taylor, not the Elizabeth Taylor) doesn't actually have anything to do with what I wanted to blog about today, but I discovered it on the back of a book I was having to read for uni and I felt it needed to be shared. Now I have never known, nor (therefore) loved a puffin, so I can't quite appreciate the deep truth here, but maybe someone who reads this has and can. This was for that person.

Speaking of puffins, this weekend I celebrated my 24th birthday. 24. And I'm actually pretty cool with it. I wasn't looking forward to it, because I thought it sounded a little too old and I don't like even numbers, but I'm actually pretty comfortable with my new 24ness. I had always said I would be married and maybe even have a kid by the time I was 25, so time's running on... I'll let you know how that goes.

Thanks to everyone who sent birthday cards, texts or emails - sorry for not replying, but I was actually in Denmark this weekend. I'll get back to you!

ANYWAY, the night before I went to Denmark, I met up with a few (local) friends for a birthday meal - which was very nice. Now anyone who knows my friend, Ben, will be aware that his birthday presents are usually somewhat... unusual (if something can be usually unusual - surely something that was usually unusual would, in fact, be usual). So when he gave this to me, I wasn't exactly sure what it would contain (I was thinking perhaps a bottle of some kind).

I hope I gave the right reaction when it turned out to be this:

I have no idea how he managed to conceal the pineapple's pineappliness.

The waitress summed it up when she said 'That's a random present' (we used it as a centre-piece).*

On the way home we were approached by a guy who was high on something, who wasn't the most pleasant guy we'd met (and I was very conscious that I was holding a pineapple) - it all turned out ok in the end, but there was a short spell when me and the people I was with were slightly fearful for my life... (I'm not even being melodramatic there. Well, a little).

*Without wishing to appear to favour any present from the evening, I should mention that I was also begifted with some playmobil, a book entitled Rumble in the Jungle (which I'm assured will be a heavy read) and a keyring with my face and some Yoghurty Special K on it (breakfast just isn't the same).

The Booth-opo-ben Day (Part Five)

So we had to choose. Would we travel home with Ben on his birthday, or would we carry on with our search that was going to take ages and leave him to travel home on his own?

After Ben had gone, we set off for the Old Kent Road - the square on the Monopoly board that is completely cut off from the rest. It's in the south and we would need a bus to get there. And when we arrived at Elephant and Castle it was pitch black. It dawned on us that it may have been better to do the ones we didn't know earlier in the day. But we HAD to do this. We found a bus that seemed right and got off where we thought the Old Kent Road might be. We walked for ages and didn't see a single sign - before we detected the OLD KENT ROAD Surgery (23/26) -A-ha! Our proof. So here we are:Unfortunately a bus came along at the exact same time and blocked the word 'Old'. Now, people might think we just went to the much-easier-to-get-to New Kent Road. That wouldn't do. So I took another photo to prove it:Old Kent Road is the cheapest property on the board at £60, and none of us had ever been there, so we didn't know what to expect, but it was fine! I'm gonna keep buying that baby (it's only £2 when people land on it, but it all adds up). However, it was pitch black and none of us actually know what it looks like.

Three places to go... It was dark and late and we were tired! So we got on the tube to Covent Garden and walked to BOW STREET (24/26). This picture's pretty dark, but hopefully you can make us out!

What we all really wanted right now was a massive walk through London. And that's what we got! FLEET STREET (25/26):A little clearer:And we were done - apart from the one station we'd already been to and didn't need to return to. Other than to get a photo. Argh. Big walk ahead (via McDonald's for Katie), tube journey and then big walk and we got to FENCHURCH STREET STATION (26/26).WE'D DONE IT!! The whole thing had taken us 15 hours (I'm including the journey home in that to make it slightly more dramatic - but it's fairly dramatic anyway!), but we'd achieved it and visited every place on the Monopoly board in one day - and seen some of the places where the early day Salvation Army worked - and celebrated Ben's birthday!

We was chuffed.

It just so happened that a nice Australian family were walking past as we finished our 'crawl' - and they took this celebratory photo of us. And didn't even ask about the moustache. It does look pretty real...It was a very cool day.

What's next then??

The Booth-opo-ben Day (Part Four)

On we go!

Now this next photo is cunning, because it covers two places - this is PARK LANE (11/26), which is in MAYFAIR (12/26) - (there's no road in London called Mayfair). Things were going pretty well!

We raced through the next few. WHITEHALL (13/26) (Half-way!)

TRAFALGAR SQUARE (14/26) (Over half-way!)

It was going so well, that we even decided to take a break at Pret. Ben was very happy about this. And because it was his birthday. He was probably most excited about his birthday. Although he did enjoy those grapes.

On we went. NORTHUMBERLAND AVENUE (15/26) - we're not sure what Katie's doing either. Patrick was trying to make up for the fact that we'd told him off for not smiling enough. He's German. (Those last two sentences are completely unrelated).

Round to the STRAND (16/26):

Now this was a very close-up photo of me, which I told Ben (or Patrick - I don't remember who took it) I would delete, but my skin looks pretty good here, and it's not fair to delete other people's photos really, so here it is:

PALL MALL (17/26)

Then we had a bit of a train journey round to MARYLEBONE STATION (18/26), which we all agreed was one of our favourite stations. Well done Marylebone!

Less nice, but a station none the less, was KING'S CROSS STATION (19/26) - and there is no platform 9 and three quarters... J.K. Rowling must have been thinking of another station.*

Hard to see, but this is EUSTON ROAD (20/26):

Which leads on to PENTONVILLE ROAD (21/26):

Which leads on to THE ANGEL, ISLINGTON (22/26) -The Angel in Islington was a pub that has since left, but we found (admittedly, it didn't take much searching) a sign on a kiosk that helped us out:

And here we hit a problem. It was getting late - check out the colour of that sky. Ben had to be at home so that he could actually see his parents on his birthday (we had left just after 8am!). But we weren't finished. We still had four places left to see - and these weren't easy ones. One involved a pretty complicated journey to South London, one involved a long walk to a street in the heart of London, which isn't near to a single station (pretty unusual in central London), a station we had (frustratingly) already been to - we wouldn't need to return to as the trains home were leaving from Liverpool St (some track problem) - and another one in Soho. This was going to take some time. And time we did not have (check out the running).

Would we get so close, and yet stay so far?

* * *

*J.K. Rowling was in fact thinking of a different station. Apparently she'd meant Euston Station. Although, according to my reliable source (er, Wikipedia), the type of platform described by Rowling doesn't exist at Euston either... Bizarre. But it didn't stop King's Cross putting up a Platform 9 and three quarters sign. Interestingly, while researching this, I discovered that there's a station in Bolton called Hall i' th' Wood. I have to go there.

The Booth-opo-ben Day (Part Three)

Via McDonalds, we set off on our Monopoly tour (just in case I forget to mention it later, Katie actually managed to eat McDonalds for breakfast, Burger King for lunch and McDonalds for tea (I'm an Essex boy, we say tea) - I thought that was important to mention).

First stop, LIVERPOOL ST STATION (2/26):

Followed by LEICESTER SQUARE (3/26) - women were also allowed to wear the moustaches and monocles... (This was the first time we got some pretty weird looks - Leicester Square is a kinda busy place).

Anna didn't quite understand the game - she thought we had to find countries in Europe:

COVENTRY STREET (4/26) - do you know where Coventry St is? That's the one that connects Leicester Square and...

PICCADILLY (5/26) (Old man chav chic):

where Katie made us go to Burger King. This picture's kinda dark, but I want the world to see that I found Ben a balloon.

REGENT STREET (6/26) - we were flying through these - we'd be done in no time! We thought...

This is the famous VINE STREET (7/26) Ever walked past it? No, I thought not. This has to be the bizarrest choice on the Monopoly board - it's a tiny dead-end with absolutely nothing down it. Zilch. Hidden round the back of the Regent St shops, it just sits there, doing nothing. Apparently two Americans came to London to choose places for the board, and they chose this. Why? (I actually know why - do you want to know? WELL, all of the oranges have a legal connection - this used to be the site of Vine St police station, funnily enough. But now there's nothing AT ALL - but the Swallow Street to have to walk down to get there is nice and quaint. We had to walk past 'Man in Moon Passage' to get there. Katie wanted to have a photo taken there, but we realised that time might not be on our side...).

There is in fact no Marlborough Street in Central London -they actually meant Great MARLBOROUGH STREET (8/26) - so I'm told. There is a Marlborough Street in Chelsea, but apparently it's not that one.

Likewise, there's no Bond Street either! (Monopoly's turning out to be a bit of a con!) - just New and Old Bond St. We went for New BOND STREET (9/26), because that's where we were.

Obviously when going to Bond Street, I mean Old or New Bond Street, you have to go to the Disney Store. So we did. And they had a signed car there from High School Musical 2, and Katie - a schoolteacher, remember - wasn't about to let a small child get there first. Look at the determination on that face.

And look at the joy(/embarrassment) on that face.

And to bring us to a round number, here's OXFORD STREET (10/26) - lots of funny looks here - and I think the day was beginning to get to Ben...

Will we make it?? You'll see.

The Booth-opo-ben Day (Part Two)

So, exactly one week ago today, our five explorers met outside Fenchurch St station, ready for their adventure. Much like the Famous Five. Although, to my knowledge, the Famous Five never met at Fenchurch St station. And we're not famous - but nor were they actually. And there were only four of us.

But then we found Patrick and we went on our way. First stop, Whitehapel Road (helpfully both the place where The Salvation Army started and one of the brown squares on the Monopoly board). We set off, rather stupidly forgetting to take a photo of ourselves at Fenchurch St station, which we would regret later in the day...

We decided to look at The Salvation Army things first. Now The Army's Heritage Centre in the UK publishes a walkabout of things in the Whitechapel area that are to do with The Salvation Army's origins. Unfortunately most of them have kinda... gone, ('On the site of this car park was the...', etc) but there are some things that are well worth checking out in my opinion. We knew we didn't have much time, so we moved fast.

First stop, the Blind Beggar pub - of interest to us because this is where William Booth was walking along one day in 1865 (I think things have changed a fair bit since then) and he saw a group of Christians holding an open-air meeting. They asked him to say a few words and the rest is, as they say, history. He gave his speech and later remarked to his wife Catherine, 'I have found my destiny' - and The Christian Mission (which later became The Salvation Army) was born.

Incidentally, this is also the pub where one of the Krays shot a rival gangster, but our Krays tour would have to wait for another day.

Walking along we saw the bust and the statue of William Booth. Now, as a child, William would have seen these statues and modelled himself accordingly (Only joking! William grew up in Nottingham).

Now, although lots of the places don't exist anymore, one building is still there and I found it very cool to see it. This is the dancing academy where The Christian Mission held its first indoor meetings and where it stayed for two years (it's down a quiet little side road off Whitechapel Road). It even has a blue plaque! Although Whitechapel has probably changed beyond recognition since Booth's day, this road (if you ignore the shop opposite) probably looks just like it did when the crowds of people used to follow Booth from his open-airs to here for their meetings. Nice.

As many of you will know, before the dancing school, The Christian Mission used to hold its meetings in a tent - and this is where that was.

Having done our Army tour, we went and got our first Monopoly picture from WHITECHAPEL ROAD (1/26) Out came the moustache and monocle. (Perhaps a little self-conscious at this point, as this was our first one - no worries, that wore off) and we went on our way! (Don't worry, Ben does give up on the thumbs-up thing eventually).

Maybe things haven't changed so much...